What I dread most each Christmas is the damn stickers and labels. (It’s the beginning of February, and I’m still brooding.) Like on the bottom of every glass at Pier One or every jar of jam at Marshalls or every cellophane wrapper on a box of cookies from Pepperidge Farm. They’re untakeoffable. Scraping doesn’t work. Soaking doesn’t work. I even tried nail polish remover. There you are ready with ribbons and paper for a good wrapping session, and it takes 20 minutes to get the price off, and then it sticks to your shoe in little pieces. Bah, humbug.
Then I found Goo Gone and life was transformed. It really does it. A modest little product made in my hometown, Cleveland. I’m busting with pride. Next Christmas I can look forward to baking cookies, decking the halls and making merry instead of peeling, prying, rubbing and scratching. UPS will love me because I’ll get those packages out on time. I’ll be happy. I won’t be tempted to overeat.
Goo Gone works so well I longed to try it here at Cheney & Company on a particularly icky manuscript one of our school clients was trying to pass off for a search brochure. “We just want you to handle the design,” they said, oozing with editorial confidence.
I wish I could apply a thin film on those clingy clichés and overstatements, wait for a few minutes, blot with a clean cloth and then look to see the results. Presto! Those cloying worldclasses, truly uniques, warm and carings, nurturings and unequalleds would disappear with only one application. The talking-at-you rhetoric would dissolve with just one dab of citrus power and scientific technology combined to defeat the toughest residue.
Suddenly I’d see a ray of light shining from the pared-down, cleaned-up language that was left. And with Goo Gone, some white space would emerge from that overgrown thicket of verbiage so we could add a graphic headline, a photo, a neat little illustration. And with a closer look, I’d actually see the outline of a reader. A real miracle. With the goo gone I would know we’d be able to make an electric connection with the audience, this time, every time.
(For removing stickers and stains, you can purchase Goo Gone EVERYWHERE these days. For getting that gloppy writing out of your website and publications, we suggest a sharp-pointed red pen, a steel spine and a zest for economy.)